At lunchtime a few times each month, I watch teens stream into our Strength In Numbers club meetings — some rushing in from a test, others from practice, and a few just looking for a place to breathe. Across the three high schools I support, each club has nearly 60 members, so I interact with hundreds of teens over the course of a month.
Even though I don’t see them every day, the moments we do share — during club meetings, lunchtime events, and virtual checkins— give me a clear window into what they’re carrying. I see the pressure behind their jokes, the exhaustion behind their smiles, and the relief they feel when they step into a space where they don’t have to perform.
At the same time, I hear from parents who are trying their best to support their kids while wondering if they’re doing too much… or not enough. My role often sits right in the middle — helping teens feel understood and helping parents understand what their teens are actually experiencing.
Parents want their teens to succeed. Teens want that too. But somewhere between AP classes, sports, college expectations, and social pressures, the line between motivation and overwhelm gets blurry. Too much pushing can lead to anxiety and burnout. Too little can leave teens feeling directionless. Most families aren’t choosing between “push harder” or “back off.” They’re trying to find the space in between.
Teens feel that tension too. Adam Luong, a junior from San Clemente High School summed it up perfectly: “I think parents should encourage teens’ dreams and goals and teach them how to prepare for the future, instead of stressing them out by giving them expectations they don’t know they can achieve”
Adam’s words capture what I hear from so many teens: they don’t want less involvement — they want different involvement. They want encouragement that feels like partnership, not pressure. They want accountability that feels like guidance, not control.
Research backs this up. Teens thrive when they feel:
Autonomy — “I have a say.”
Competence — “I can do this.”
Connection — “I’m supported, not judged.”
Parents can nurture all three by focusing on “positive pushing.” It’s not about demanding perfection. It’s about helping teens build the skills and habits that will matter long after high school:
- Encouraging independence and decision‑making
- Teaching practical life skills
- Helping teens stay active and engaged
- Supporting their interests, even when they shift
- Setting expectations around effort and follow‑through
These are the kinds of pushes teens appreciate — the ones that help them grow, not crumble.
The teen years aren’t just a race toward college applications. They’re a time for learning who you are, what you care about, and how to handle life’s ups and downs. When parents strike the balance between encouragement and gentle accountability, teens feel both supported and empowered — and gain the confidence to step into adulthood with resilience and purpose.
By Marci Mednick
Marci Mednick, leads Providence Mission Hospital’s youth substance use prevention initiative, notably raisinghealthyteens.org and strengthinnumbersoc.org. She is a founding member of the Wellness & Prevention Coalition and leads the Strength in Numbers Clubs at three local high schools. She can be reached at marci.mednick@providence.org. Providence Mission Hospital is a member of the Wellness & Prevention Coalition serving San Clemente residents.